Crafting a strong query can feel even more challenging than writing and revising a picture book. Reading lots of great queries helps give you the tools to master yours, too. Check out the queries that worked inside each PBParty Success Story! You’ll often find helpful tips there, too.

One thing you can do is gather in groups to discuss the Success Story queries, what I share here…and the PBParty finalist entries. You’re welcome to shout as many positives as you want here, in the PBParty Participant Facebook group and on social media. I’d prefer you discuss any ways you see they could be stronger out of the public eye. After reading all of these, how does yours hold up? I hope you see new ways to make it gleam. 🙂

Check out this query that worked from PBParty Judge and PBParty Prep Zoom co-host Brittany Pomales! This query letter and story received several requests from agents and editors during the PBChat showcase and was ultimately plucked from Beth Marshea’s slush pile and forwarded to Stefanie who asked for more manuscripts and then offered representation. At the time, Stefanie’s MSWL did not include humor. So you never know!

Let’s look closer at the query!

1. Start with who you’re sending it to. (For PBParty, you can say Dear Agents and Editors, Dear Judges, Agents and Editors, etc. Don’t make it to a specific person or make anyone feel left out.) Don’t waste space with your address at the top of an e-mail. You can put that info under your signature. (For PBParty, remember not to include your name, etc.)
   
2. It’s nice to add why you’re submitting to this person. It can be as simple as discovering they love humorous stories. If you have any connection through a class, conference, etc. mention that–and if there’s something that stood out in a good way or helped you, let them know. You can also find lots of info at Querytracker.net. Reading interviews can give you great insight. (For PBParty, you can’t do that because it isn’t targeted to one person. But if you want, you can say something like: Thank you for participating in PBParty. Or… I’m thrilled you’re seeking picture books. I hope my ___ word humorous picture book will be a great fit for your list.)
   
3. The first paragraph often says why you’re submitting to them and some stats like the word count, genres, etc. But when you have an amazing eye-catching opening, you can lead with that first, like Brittany did. After seeing that, I’d HAVE to keep reading to find out more. Especially after seeing catch the piranhas. My mind is buzzing with possibilities!
   
4. Comps! They aren’t necessary, but if you can show you know where your book fits in the market and how it stands out, that is pure gold! The best comps are within the past few years and show the connection to your book–like Brittany did so well.
   
5. The pitch is incredibly important! Brittany’s pitch makes me want to dive into her book. Birthdays are special. And this poor king might not have anyone to celebrate with. I hope he doesn’t love pizza as much as I do!
   
6. Don’t give the ending away. You want to catch their attention and make it impossible for them to resist reading your book. TIP: Get your query/blurb critiqued as well as your manuscripts. So many don’t think to do that, but you know your story so well, you can’t tell how clear and compelling your query pitch will be to someone who hasn’t read it. Which is why in addition to critique partners who know your work, it’s great to get fresh eyes on it, too.
   
7. Make sure you have a bio–and keep it in first person, like the rest of your letter. Don’t make a list, like you would in a resume. Even if you haven’t won awards or contests, you can include things like being a member of SCBWI, 12x12PB, and mention that you take classes. You can include a few but don’t list every class or workshop you’ve ever taken.
   
8. So many people don’t share their personal connection to a story in their query–but after reading over 1000 of them in a short period of time, that connection really stands out! I love how Brittany wove hers into her bio in an organic way. Some people have said they don’t feel like they can have a strong connection for humor, etc. vs SEL…but you can! And Brittany’s even has the tone of her book, which is a bonus.

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I have a special treat for you!

Several PBParty Judges have shared not only their query (or query blurb)…but also how it changed all the way through publication. It’s amazing to see! Please thank them by marking their books Want To Read on Goodreads, asking your library to carry them, reviewing them…whatever you can do to thank them for their help.

Gabriele Davis was one of the first Success Stories I encountered when I first co-hosted PBParty. It was such an incredible whirlwind! At the time, Gabriele had the most requests ever–and tons of offers.

PEACHES

Original Query (this is also posted on Gabriele’s success story)

Dear Michelle and Mindy,

Tempted to give up when mishaps stall her efforts to assume a treasured family tradition, a young African American girl perseveres, bringing joy and solace to her family.  A lyrical, intergenerational story, combining themes of SARAH’S SONG by Rosie J. Pova and the contemporary classic THE INVISIBLE STRING by Patrice Karst.

PEACHES (580 words, K-3) was inspired by my own father’s life-long love of peach cobbler. It honors the life he lived on an orchard-filled Virginia farm and celebrates how those we love live on in us.

I have written stories and articles for children’s magazines and educational publications and am a language arts tutor at a junior boarding school. I actively participate in SCBWI, StoryStorm, ReFoReMo, and Julie Hedlund’s 12×12 Picture Book Challenge. I have also completed Renee LaTulippe’s Lyrical Language Lab. In August, I was selected as winner of Kidlit Nation’s Picture Book Mentorship for diverse voices.

Per your submission requirements, I have pasted the first 50-60 words below. Thanks for taking the time to consider my work.

Kind Regards,

Bookstore Copy (the non-bold text is what appears on the book jacket)

In Peaches, a hopeful multigenerational story of love and healing from author Gabriele Davis and illustrator Kim Holt, a girl holds her mother’s memory close while carrying on an important family tradition: making peach cobbler together.

Summer Sundays begin with picking.
Rosy-ripe peaches dipping low to the ground,
Sun-warmed and soft like Grandma’s lap.

Side by side with Daddy and Grandma, a young girl is determined to take part in her family’s tradition of baking the perfect peach cobbler—just like her mama used to. From picking fruit to stirring and mixing to kneading the dough, it’s a little bit messy. But with sure hands to guide the girl step-by-step—and her mother’s memory hanging sweet in the air—she has the recipe for making Mama proud.

This warmhearted and ultimately hopeful picture book shows that with a house full of love, everything can feel peach-perfect.

OUR JOYFUL NOISE

Pitch (what Gabriele sent to her agent)

OUR JOYFUL NOISE is a lyrical celebration of a suburban Black family taking joy in their weekly rhythms. Woven into the text are titles and lyrics from hymns, spirituals, gospel songs and jazz tunes originating from, inspired by, or otherwise connected to the African-American experience.

Bookstore Copy

(Gabriele never saw this copy until it appeared. The jacket copy is slightly different.)

A joyful, jazzy picture book following a Black family through a week of shared moments and simple pleasures, woven through with hidden musical jewels from spirituals and songs.

We move to the sounds
that FLOW through our days.
Soft sounds, low sounds, LOUD sounds,
slow sounds.
Joyful, NOISEFUL, soulful sounds.
OUR sounds.

For this loving family, each moment of the day is filled with music, from the moment they wake to the sound of Mama humming them into a happy day as she plop plop plops berries into oatmeal, to bedtime when Daddy soothes them to sleep, strong hands smoothing brows, warm and slow, sweet chariots swinging low.

Jacket Copy
We move to the sounds
that FLOW through our days.
Soft sounds, low sounds, LOUD sounds,
slow sounds.
Joyful, NOISEFUL, soulful sounds.
OUR sounds.

This joyful, jazzy narrative follows a Black family through a week of shared moments and simple pleasures, woven through with lyrics beloved from spirituals and songs.

Wow, wow, wow! I still remember reading Gabriele’s submission and falling in love with it! I can’t wait for her incredible books to be out in the world. Now make a joyful noise…because I think this is the first time Gabriele is sharing her OUR JOYFUL NOISE cover. It’s amazing! Congrats, Gabriele.

Would you like to add PEACHES and OUR JOYFUL NOISE to your Goodreads Want to Read list?

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Here’s PBParty Judge and Ninja Superstar Sylvia Chen! You can read her Success Story here.

TRICKY CHOPSTICKS

Original Pitch for TRICKY CHOPSTICKS:

Wā! Jenny’s chopstick troubles won’t let up—but neither will Jenny. With her great grandpa Lǎo YéhYéh’s 100th birthday banquet looming, Jenny must muster all sorts of inventive skills to mastermind the greatest chopsticks trick of all.

With a culturally-infused style like Amy Wu and the Perfect Bao by Kat Zhang and Grandpa Grumps by Katrina Moore, plus Chinese-derived onomatopoeia and STEM actions involving friction, origami and engineering, TRICKY CHOPSTICKS is a 533-word picture book about Jenny Chow, who struggles with chopsticks.

Submissions Pitch for TRICKY CHOPSTICKS CHALLENGE (after revisions for submissions purposes, including the title):

In Tricky Chopsticks Challenge, Jenny wrestles with chopsticks, failing a long-held family tradition. With her cousin Victor’s birthday banquet looming—and his compulsory chopsticks challenge, Jenny hustles to prove she can hold her own for once (and avoid dish duty). After much trial and error to devise a fumble-proof set of chopsticks, Jenny may just pick up her dumplings and eat them, too.

Deal announcement for TRICKY CHOPSTICKS (post-R&R, back to the original title):

Kristie Choi and Reka Simonsen at Atheneum have bought world rights to Tricky Chopsticks, a picture book by debut author Sylvia Chen, illustrated by Fanny Liem. In this story loosely inspired by Chen’s childhood, a girl determined to hold her own in her family’s annual chopsticks challenge creates a solution through STEAM trial and error to master those slippery, oh-so-tricky chopsticks. Publication is slated for spring 2024; Alyssa Eisner Henkin of Birch Path Literary represented the author, and Christy Ewers at the CAT Agency represented the artist.

Jacket copy for TRICKY CHOPSTICKS for publication (post final edits and copyedits):

Jenny Chow struggles with chopsticks. Āi yā! Those slippery, oh-so-tricky chopsticks! But cousin Victor’s birthday party is just around the corner, along with her family’s annual chopsticks challenge. All Jenny wants is to avoid being the only Chow who never learns how to use chopsticks. She’ll do whatever it takes to prove she can hold her own in her family’s long-held tradition—even if she has to wobble and fumble the whole time.

With a bit of STEAM trial and error, Jenny may just pick up her dumplings and eat them, too.

Published blurb/summary (post final edits and copyedits):

A young Chinese American girl uses creative STEAM-powered problem-solving to master chopsticks so she can pick up her dumplings and eat them, too, in this charming and laugh-out-loud picture book perfect for fans of the Amy Wu series.

Jenny Chow struggles with chopsticks—aiya, those slippery, oh-so-tricky chopsticks! But cousin Victor’s birthday party is just around the corner, along with her family’s annual chopsticks challenge. Jenny doesn’t want to be the only Chow who never learns how to use the utensils. She’ll do whatever it takes to prove she can hold her own in her family’s long-held tradition—no matter how many experiments she wobbles and fumbles through.

Sylvia says: Alyssa uses my original pitch wording to prepare her submissions pitch, but she shares it with me and I usually tweak a bit to bring even more of my voice/writing style

For example, she suggested “After much trial and error to devise a foolproof/slip proof set of chopsticks, Jenny may just have her dumplings and eat them, too.” and I reworked it to “After much trial and error to devise a fumble-proof set of chopsticks, Jenny may just pick up her dumplings and eat them, too.”

So we tend to collaborate closely like that which I appreciate to meld her strategic approach with my writing style.

*I can’t wait for this amazing book to be out in the world!

Would you like to add TRICKY CHOPSTICKS to your Goodreads Want to Read list?

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We also have the journey of two books from Judge and author/illustrator Marietta Apollonio. You can read her Success Story here.

Marietta says: I was extremely lucky with both of the books in that there wasn’t much if any deviation from the final artwork. Some additions and minor tweaks, but barely any redo’s of spreads, and not a lot of story changes. Maybe that is a good way to highlight that really thinking ahead while doing the dummy and really considering layout, etc is beneficial. Both of the book dummies went through numerous revisions before being sent to either my agent (Jack The Library Cat) or for submission to editors (Jem and I made revisions to the dummy for Wombat prior). I definitely spend lots of time making book maps and really thinking through, changing spreads, etc all before submitting. 

JACK THE LIBRARY CAT (2023)

Query

Dear [Agent],

As an author-illustrator I am excited to share A HOME FOR JACK, my 297-word picture book for ages 4-7. Comp titles include MADELINE FINN AND THE LIBRARY DOG and LIBRARY LION.

Stray cat Jack loves to sneak inside for storytime, but cats are not allowed in the library…and Ms. Fisher the librarian is NOT a cat person. But when a new boy moves to town and needs a reading buddy, an unlikely duo will do more than just sneak in for stories. Jack’s fuzzy tale gives shelter to acceptance, friendship, and finding a place to call home. Back matter includes information about library cats and the benefits of reading aloud to animals.

I am a freelance artist living in Harvard, Massachusetts with a BFA in illustration from Lesley University College of Art and Design. I am an active member of the SCBWI, Storyteller Academy, The Writers’ Loft, and a weekly writers critique group. In 2019 I was awarded the New England SCBWI Ann Barrow Illustration Scholarship, and in 2021 I was a PBParty Finalist.

In addition to A HOME FOR JACK, I also have other manuscripts available. My portfolio can be found at mariettaapollonio.com. I am active on Instagram via @mar_illustrates where I post drawings, sketches, and participate in monthly art challenges.

Attached please find my manuscript and book dummy, which includes two full color illustrations which represent final artwork.

Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Submission Pitch: A Home for Jack (used original as we went right out on submission as soon as I signed the contract)

Stray cat Jack loves to sneak inside for storytime, but cats are not allowed in the library…and Ms. Fisher the librarian is NOT a cat person. But when a new boy moves to town and needs a ready buddy, an unlikely duo will do more than just sneak in for stories. Jack’s fuzzy tale gives shelter to acceptance, friendship, and finding a place to call home. Back matter includes information about library cats and the benefits of reading aloud to animals.

Deal Announcement: NEW TITLE!

Sue Tarsky at Albert Whitman has acquired world rights to Jack, the Library Cat by debut author-illustrator Marietta Apollonio. A stray cat, Jack, loves nothing more than to sneak inside for storytime even though cats aren’t allowed in the library. But when a new boy moves to town and needs a reading buddy, Jack finds more than a new friendship—he finds a home. Publication is set for spring 2023; Jemiscoe Chambers-Black at Andrea Brown Literary Agency did the deal.

Jacket Copy:

A stray cat keeps turning up for story time at the library. But cats are not allowed in the library, and the children’s librarian is not a cat person. What will happen?

Published Blurb/Summary:

A stray cat keeps turning up for story time at the library, but animals aren’t allowed in the building, and besides, the children’s librarian is not a cat person. Then a boy named Pascal crosses paths with the friendly feline and sneaks him inside. Soon enough, the stray cat gets a name, a home, and a group of kids clamoring to read to him. Could life be any more purr-fect?

What I used for Social Media/Marketing:

Stray cat Jack loves to sneak in for storytime, but cats are not allowed in the library, and Ms. Fisher the librarian is NOT a cat person. But when a new boy moves to town and needs a reading buddy, the duo will do more than just sneak in for stories. They’ll show everyone that library + cat = purr-fection.

WOMBAT AND THE FAMILY TREE (March 26, 2024)

Original: What If Wombat

Everyone in Wombat’s family has a special something, but not him. Not whittling, not whistling, not even walking. Wombat wonders—what’s his something? But when a family tree project leads Wombat to discovering his ancestors, he branches out just enough to grow into his own something.

Submission Pitch: What If Wombat

Everyone in Wombat’s family has a special something, but not him. Not whittling, not whistling, not even walking. Wombat wonders—what’s his something? But when a family tree project leads Wombat to discovering his ancestors, he branches out just enough to grow into his own something.

PW Announcement: TITLE CHANGE!

Adria Haley at Tommy Nelson has acquired world rights to Wombat and the Family Tree by Marietta Apollonio, a picture book that starts out as a family tree assignment, branches out, and connects Wombat to discover family members and ancestors he never knew about, and leads him to the joy-and sometimes frustration—of discovering new talents. Publication is planned for spring 2024; Jemiscoe Chambers-Black at Andrea Brown Literary Agency negotiated the deal.

Back Cover Copy

When you follow your roots, your story grows.

As Wombat explores his family tree, he discovers that every wombat has a special something. But what could Wombat’s talent be? He tries gardening like Uncle Wyatt, playing an instrument like Nana, and knitting like Aunt Winifred. But nothing fits—until he stops trying to fit into another wombat’s place and starts doing what he loves best.

Fall in love with sweet, ambitious Wombat and cheer him on as he discovers how he fits into his family while you dream about your own special somethings ready to be discovered.

Published Blurb/Summary:

Spark curiosity in children about family history, genealogy, and their place within that legacy as Wombat’s family tree project grows into an exploration of his relatives’ wisdom as well as what talent he can add to his community.

Wombat’s family tree assignment turns sour when he realizes that every ancestor has a special something they are good at–everyone except him. He tries all the talents he’s learned about from his family members, from music to carving to cooking, but nothing fits. Then, with a nudge to try again, the family tree branches out to grow into Wombat’s very own something.

Wombat and the Family Tree by Marietta Apollonio is for children aged 4 to 8 and features

• a heartfelt and fun exploration of what a family tree is while finding a sense of self within your heritage,
• a sweet and energetic main character who wants to do his best,
• a supportive family who encourages Wombat to keep trying despite disappointment,
• whimsical and nostalgic illustrations that enrich the story with delightful details,
• a note from the author about her own adventures in genealogy, and
• a blank family tree for children to fill in that allows room for a variety of family structures and caregiving situations.

Join Wombat for an adventure in self-discovery as he answers these questions: Where do I come from? What can I learn from people who have come before me? What are my special skills that I can contribute to my family and community?

Would you like to add JACK THE LIBRARY CAT and WOMBAT AND THE FAMILY TREE to your Goodreads Want to Read list? Psssst: Jack is out in the world, so you can go on a library adventure with him now. 🙂

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A few more query tips

*Don’t say your kids, grandkids, etc. love your book.

*You are writing or writing and illustrating. That doesn’t make you aspiring…it makes you a writer or author/illustrator! 🙂

*How long should a query be? Typically, it’s around 3/4 page. There’s no reason for it to be longer than one page.

*I’ve seen people say they don’t have any books published in a query (it kind of sounds like you’re apologizing)…but if you don’t mention books, agents and editors will understand. I remember an agent saying she’s okay with a query stating that this will be my debut book, but you don’t need to.

*In the past, some participants have tried to pad their query with parts of their manuscript. If it’s also in the sample, we get it twice. And if there’s a large chunk of text, it usually doesn’t feel organic. Take a peek at how a tiny bit of text shines at times, like the beginning of Brittany’s query. Sometimes, all it takes is a bit of the voice to shine through…like Wā! in Sylvia’s original query. And then it turned into Āi yā! in the jacket copy. It immediately makes me feel like this will be a fun book to read out loud.

One last reminder that incomplete queries will disqualify you. They don’t need to be perfect, but if they’re missing a bio or a story blurb/pitch, they aren’t ready for agents and editors and can’t be featured in the finals.

Do you have query tips you’d like to share in the comments?

Don’t forget that you can watch the PBParty Prep Zoom replay, go over the Google form screenshot, copy and paste everything needed on the form into a file, then add your responses so you’ll be 1000% ready to enter on February 22. Last minute jitters often hit, so the more prepared you are, the better.

I already shared the Google form links in the 2024 PBParty announcement. I’ll share them in a new post soon, too. You’ll only be able to use the form during the PBParty submission window on February 22 from midnight to 8pm EST.

Huge thanks to the PBParty judges who shared their query/pitch to help all of you. We’re so excited to read your entries. Good luck. 🙂